End of year shenanigans
2021 in retrospect.
Woah, top of the morning to you. We’ve gotten to the end, or almost the end of another year. Have a glass of wine, on me.
I really like the end of the year, the weather is cooler, everybody is home, there’s an endless amount of food, and every end brings another chance at a beginning.
I started the year a bit wobbly. I got a job that had me move to another city while preparing to retake a course I had failed in the academic year prior. So let's say, I was full of excitement and pride with a hint of shame. Maybe more than a hint, but you get the gist.
I missed myself this year, I missed reading, writing, going outside, giving strangers compliments, randomly running. I didn’t want to be seen for a good portion of the year, I was avoiding questions about my graduation, or people asking me to come and see them. They would only ask more questions I didn’t have answers to or didn’t want to face the answers.
Most of the answers have sorted themselves out. With time. Time is the magic potion of life. Time makes all the difference. Every resource we use is tied to time. Our lives are a definite and measurable amount of time. Time is that two-faced friend of yours.
On one hand, it is finite. It is 10:12am in Lagos, Nigeria at the moment, I am editing this post for the 5th or 6th time. On the flip side, time is infinite, it doesn’t stop rolling, days keep rolling into each other, days become years, years become decades. It doesn’t have an end.
Time sifts through what is right or wrong. Time is everybody’s karma. I found solace in this. It meant I could rest. I didn’t have to fight to prove anything to anybody. I would let time tell us what direction to go, who should be trusted, whose word is truth.
Because time is infinite and humans are time-bound finite beings, some things will not be made right or wrong in our lifetimes. I might never see a Nigeria that is peaceful, unified, and free of the leeches that have eaten so deep into our gut. It might take another painful century for us to unlearn exploiting each other. It might take more. Or less. We must keep working anyways, standing for what is right, keeping an eye out for the next person. We have to do the work
Time is a horrible soloist. It does only what it knows to do, run and it ripples whatever you give it. This means we can’t go to sleep. We can’t wait for someone else to do the work. It wouldn’t be wise to expect a few people to pull the cord. We should be in all our quarters doing whatever we have been called to move the human race forward.
I believe that’s the dignity of being, following the cues of our lives. You might be drawn to buy someone a meal or to help a homeless family. It’s in this obedience that we find the pride to be called part of the human family. It’s not in how much I have. It’s not even really in what people will remember me for. It’s in being obedient to the little voice that guides my life. Most of us have it. It’s the voice that told you to shut up but you kept talking and now you feel bad. It’s the voice that told you to speak up for someone and you didn’t and now you feel like a fraud.
It’s the voice that told you to apply for that job, not because you were going to get it but because you needed to meet someone at the job interview or you needed to build another layer of mental strength.
I used to get so beaten by not being as good at my job as I want to be. Time and work will make all the difference. The brief moments where I decide to cut corners or not pull my weight will speak for me. It’s all a matter of time.
At the beginning of 2021, I wrote down 34 things I wanted to see this year. I achieved 6 of them. Most of the items were things I’ve somehow been told to want like starting a YouTube channel.
I’m definitely glad I didn’t, I would have been using all my energy on something that’s never going to be fulfilling at this moment.
Time is made of moments. Each moment has its cues and demands. What we do with it determines what opportunities life offers us next.
I’m so excited for 2022 plus I’m a year older in a few days. Woohoo. I’m going to write about 30 things I want next year. I’ll probably do 10, don’t judge me.
🌸
